raikenfox (raikenfox) wrote,
raikenfox
raikenfox

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Goddammotmarchend!

Seriously.... This whole month is taking a toll on me. I just want to either sleep for the whole time or just snark out and be mean/possibly violent. Poor Linus here seems to be an easier target most of the time too. Maybe I'll get the Ent some water or somethin'.

Wull, with lurking around online, not talking much and trying to force myself to draw/play games, I've managed to be somewhat normal. I think those trips to the lake this month helped majorly. 'Specially the last one with those awesome burgers. Seriously. Fuckin' fantastic spicy burgers. We gotta do it again sometime.

Things of note, Ace should help me get screen capping so I can... ...brodcast me playing games. Yeah =P Sometime after the month ends and I try a talk-cast that is. I'll try not to make that too boring by having Entleton talk too, maybe spark up great topics like, cloning, teleportation, why some people shouldn't be born, how everyone is messed up in some way and so on and so forth. *shrugs*

*pacing some, ears splayed back* Things have been alright so far, but, still.... this month is never a good one. Even if it is, or I had said so before, I lied. This month is the worse for me. Only in the place of green, Spring with warmth and cool breezes and how the flowers grow make me feel oh so safe and normal. But that place is far and unreal. It's the same thing like saying something the lines of sleeping in that bedroom with the warm room with that bed that has the red-stained wood bed that has soft, plus jade pillows piled partly in the middle and head of the bed, or swimming in the cool river running through a tree'd area, the sun really hot, but the water balancing things out, any breezes are brisk and never make things cold, or that place with the shiny walls and floor, small dimples keeping the floor from being too slippery and the smell crossed between a hospital and a bakery, and then there is the spa run by the friendliest, yet, most mysterious person who has the most unique place that manages to combine hotel and sauna at the same time while having food that I can only say reminds me of the delicious Inaka's..... I have no idea where I was going with all of that or how to organize, but having a flood of comfort places and memories over the years in that world just helps put this world's worry at ease here..... I don't know anymore...

It's 12:12am as of right now and I have roughly a day or so before going live online with people, some I know, most others I might not know, depending if any show up that is, and even though the month is alright, nothing bad has happened, and some people I've talked to have put up with me, I can't help but worry and push it down with that stuff up there I mentioned. Ech. I'm tired and made a bad update after not using this thing for a long while. *yawns*

Oh, after-note/thought: I know I can seemingly project two selves here, one in person/offline and one online/through text/pics, but there are some lines I can cross to be one thing or another. I might seem different in person if you know me through text, but that's because I am. But it works both ways. I might act a certain way offline compared to on, but then again, somethings I can do online I can do easier there then what I can do offline. So, yeah... On one paw, I seem to display myself wearing my virtual masking as something else. But on the other, I'm pouring something that isn't used but is still me from my core into my digital homunculus. Like, okay, let's take this typing stuff I am doing. Weather as a post on here or a Space site, a text/PM, or a live chat/IM, I type what I think. I don't think before typing. SO, in actuality, my typing is literal thought-voice of me. There are moments I *do* think before typing, or catch something and backspace and redo, but those moments are pretty far from each other. So, yeah. Creativity, idiocy, zany cartoonyness, serious discussion... It's all me from me by me through me. This is for people like Eddy who know me mostly online and see something from like, my Youtube and wonder that I'm like two different people like that.

TL;DR

I hate March and wish it would end, but things are doing alright. Feel worried still.

I can seem like two different people compared from online to offline. This is true among lots of people anyways. My story is I'm not pretending to be someone online or off, I just have issues and sometimes things are easier for me to do online compared to off and vice verca. I'm not two different people, just two different sides that still come from one whole. Being able to see that my sides are different but so close it's freakin' the same? That just means you have to look past everything and not only get to know me, but god damn get to KNOW me. I'm simple, but complexed due to having no life and having a simple mind but having issues and a broken soul.
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